what i m0xt like t0 do in wh0le day??

belle..that's wut u xhud call me..
the w0rd "b0ring" isn't in ma dicti0nary..
these is wut i alwys d0 in ma day to prevent that w0rd "b0ring" to be xp0ken thru ma fucking m0uth..

1. lixtening t0 muxic..
xince that is ma drug..
ma fucking genre.,metal..
and these wut i l0ve to lixten to..
- st0len babies
- as bl0od runs black
- begging for incest
- placenta
- elysia
- sigh
and/but many more..hehe..

2. xketching..
i ain't go0d in art..
yet u wud xay "hey,even ma 6th year old sister cn draw that..
but wh0 care c0s that's h0w i exprexx ma deprexxed..
by drawing xum pathetic human with0ut eyeballx..

3. writing p0emx..
i need n0body to talk t0..
s0 that's why i'd juxt mumbling maxelf,putting w0rdx and write em d0wn..
i'm n0t go0d in w0rding,to be h0next..
but i enj0y maxelf writing all ma heart out..

Sunday, May 11, 2014

Rest In Peace...

Few days ago, I had a nightmare, sweet nightmare actually. Cos I tend to meet my beloved guy, Joseph Kero, in that dream. We didn't talked much but I cried a lot. Hahhh! and fuckk!!

So, secara rasmi setelah itu, segala memori yg xbpe na indah tiba2 dtg dlm kple otak balik. Hell yeah, and once again, fuckk!!

Actually it all started by the death of Bleed or nama sebenar dia Bleyzinna Chia. She was the first and last bestfriend that I have ever had. :'(

She died hanging in her room, found by her mother. And she did left a letter telling how she diasppointed for commiting suicide, and she wanted me to sing Lithium by Evanescence on her funeral day. I refused at first, but her mom kept convinving me, telling me that I can do that as penghormatan terakhir utk dia. :'(

and Joseph Kero..

just a month later after the death of Bleed, he drank a lot, depressed..till one day his sister told me he was admitted for Lung Cancer..sy xpernah taw pun yg dia ada kanser paru-paru until that day. Only that time it was all too late. Of course, sy ponteng sekolah utk tngk dia di hospital, malam sebelum dia mati, he called me, we had a chat, and it was too depressing and I shed tears a lot. Dia cakap, kalau boleh dia na jaga sy sampai dia mati, dan dia slalu doa dia akan mati sblm sy, but beforehand, he prayed that I can meet someone who can take care of me while he's gone. Yeee! Sbb dia lah org yg paling sy syg and sy akan cari in whatever happened.,sejak dia xde, I was depressed sgt, sangat2 terasa kehilangan dia cos sy betol2 rse cm xde tmpt na brgantung..No matter how much I cried, nothing can bring him back. :'(

Sy prnah curik sweater dia bawak balik.,waktu tu hujan, so dia kasi pinjam sweater dia and sy xpernah pulang balik at dia..after his death, I cuddled with his sweater a lot, wishing that I could hug him when I cry :'(

Slalu malam lepas jamming, dia susah kasi sy balik..alasannye, takot sy kna culik. Dia akan suroh sy stay awhile, teman dia main gitar, main piano sometimes..

2 days ago I posted in fb lagu Evanescence - My Immortal. And yeah, lagu tu remind me of him a lot. The memories that I had with him that night, that raining night. It was a beautiful night that I can't never had again. :'(

Ntah npe malam neyh sy na emo2 lax, but yeah, these are the saddest story in my life, yg betol2 kasi big effect dlm hidop sy..

I'm c0ming f0r y0u darling..

I'm c0ming f0r y0u darling..

I Hate..

i hate t0 think that i am fine.,
even its really hurt inside..

i hate t0 think that i'm okay.,
even i'd slitted my wrist anyway..

i hate t0 think that i w0nt care.,
even i still ask y0u the same..

i hate t0 think that i wanna run.,
but i w0uld c0me back in the end..

i hate t0 think that i wanna hide.,
but secretly i w0uld steal y0ur sight..

i hate t0 think that i wanna die.,
but i always ask back myself why..

i hate t0 think that i d0n't wnna l0se.,
this deep feeling t0ward y0u..

p/s=r0ses are red,and the sky s0 blue..
the only thing that i hate,is t0 losing y0u..

(a fucking p0em that i wr0te by maxelf)